Ten Thousand Buttons

.. why are my insides against this....

... I have discovered a new solution to a problem I didn't know I had !!! Things really are going well for me today.

is actually improving...!!! I am actually feeling better.. I woke up really early and stuff, I walked and now I am listening to music I like, I am feeling lighter inside which I absolutely adore.. things are going well

Okay so today I felt that the whole effing office is being devlish to me... :-) and there's this girl who is always sort of super great with me and she has to travel and she gave me a hug....A hug can change your whole day!! okay all will be well.

...I heard that my brother was traveling to visit my Dad up country and I haven't seen him for a while so I thought that it would be a good idea to accompany my brother. But since agreeing to go with him, I have been having these sort of anxiety attacks cause of the travel...I could not sleep last night... finally I left my bed and found some solace and rest on my couch!!! I was able to sleep without nightmares... (which was nice) This morning my brother called me at 8.00am to tell me that he could not travel!! That was great!

Today, like the first thing in the morning, I had something really nice happen. I had to go to the office really early and I had left my car parked in the office lot, so I didn't have it, I had fare but the denomination is way too big and the people who work in these systems would have given me a really hard time about giving me back change, but something kept telling me not to take a taxi... cause that was the other option.. so I decided to go to the bus stop and like 5 seconds later before the bus came a workmate zoomed by and gave me a lift I was soooooo happy!!! Then had to deal with Mtn and it was okay... Then the information I was supposed to give to the workmate.. well I don't have to anymore cause someone else gave it to her... happy dance... Then Mtn wants to meet me later and me well I don't want to meet him and I need to go to the Savings and Loan to repay my debt, and you know what the only time I have to go tot he bank is when he wants to meet... happ...

Internet is just back, I managed to feel a little better about my happy rascals, I love that I can listen to Abraham, I love that I sent my boss an sms.... I love that today I am on top of my game!!! I am the best! I love that people are use Abe language to praise me... I love being praised

I also love that I listening to practically a whole workshop of Abraham... I love soo Abraham...

I love that I am enjoying myself. I love that today I will be able walk alone, again, I love that I am still receiving email... from Love.com.... that is cool.. I love that a bird has just come to say 'halo'. I love that my day ish shaping well, I love that soon my boss will go away and i will be free to get as much into the vortex as I am right now. I love that all is going better, I love that Mtn is not here so I can 'work' on him all I want. I love that all the things that I am working on are working so amazingly easily! I have never really worked in the vortex and it is soooo amazing!!!!!!!

Today is about moving from ANGER to anything else... but not down, just up... anything....I will be most grateful...

I have found it!! I have found a way!! I have found a way!!!! I have a way to do this. I have actually found a way to do this. And that is really cool.

.... little furry friend that I met yesterday and how much it broke my heart to part from him.

I love that I am dreaming about fruits!! Especially those that are not in Kenya, I love that I was given advice I know about losing weight, and I love that I listened which made difference because I finally walked... I love that I know now what is wrong with my "site" and all other things, I love that I could do it for me, just me, and no one else. I could do it for the joy of it, for the joy of collecting beautiful pictures and writing things that will be of benefit to me just me. I love that all these things are going well. I love that I am doing well enough to rampage, I love when I feel good enough to rampage, I love that my hair is looking especially good, I love that my hair is looking especially good, I love that I managed to convince me to make my hair and now it is looking especially good. I love that I am feeling this good, I love that I love the colour of my blinds, and I love that I should just concentrate on the things I love. I love that all I have to do is lov...

It is my dominant intent to look for what which I am wanting to see. Abraham Mexico Cruise 2007

Also two things.... a) my contract is being extended!!!! b) there is something I didn't want to do... and a workmate did it!!!! Woo hoo!!!

... My friend finally wrote!! okay I smsed her during the weekend.. but she wrote and as a result I am feeling soo much better... I am experiencing rudeness from Mtn... and I love that I don't care... I love that I have received an sms about having tickets for movie premiere with cocktails... Also I have been receiving driftwood about free money!!! (Love that)... Also everything has been soo aligned so so aligned... ALSO this morning I decided to walk a little bit, you know after reading all those nice stories about all those women who discovered love and lost weight!! So I was thinking about how much I loved me and how I could also you know make an effort and lose weight...!!! Anyhoo I thought about not walking and taking my car but I felt such a strong impulse to walk though I had absolutely no bus fare.. so I walked and as I sweated, I saw the office van pass by me.. and I thought I don't care.. I will get transport... I will get a lift... so I walked on and waited....t...

What am I grateful for this moment.... I am grateful that I only have 3 hours till I go home, I am grateful that I can charge my phone from my computer, I am grateful that I have credit for my phone, I am grateful that I am feeling what I am feeling, I am grateful that I have a phone, I am grateful that I have enough credit to call Olga later, I am grateful that I have a small blog where I can post these things, I am grateful that I am feeling better about Mtn, I am grateful that I am feeling angry in general not about any one thing, which I always appreciate. I appreciate that I know how to move from anger to better feeling thoughts, I appreciate that I can move from anger to better feeling thoughts.. that is a possibility!

.... There's this nice boss, well sort of... I am supposed to know him BUT I don't... well not soo well so I actually ask him who he is... :-( shame on me...

... clicked 'yes' on the hot man and then was informed that someone clicked 'yes' on me... so I really wanted it to be the hotman, but alas no... just some dude who has a nice looking kid.... he he .. I'm glad that I am feeling better...

.. really depressed about a situation at work... really down.. just then a programme that I normally ignore... "Are you Interested..." sent me a photo of a seriously hot and I mean HOT!!!! dude.. I think I will go back to him to just stare at him and feel good about things again... yes life is coming back to me :-)

.... someone who is good at setting goals and working steadfast to achieve them has recently achieved many things including a pay increase and loss of 5 kilos...

...I was hungry and got breakfast....I made Marcella laugh... I talked to Mtn and felt nothing... and he did something and I got soo effing angry and I think that is sooo cool cause it is sooo much better than Hatred/Rage... and he promised to do something that will launch me off to something I have wanted for nearly 19 years...also this morning I saw evidence of this this married duo who got something they loved and now are living it... very successful indeed... I relaxed on the whole issue and now I got my gum like I wanted.... so happy... Also this is big... There's someone who wanted to meet with my boss. I made the appointment and everything and all was well and everything.. then my boss got another meeting he was supposed to go to for about the same time as this other one... The guy came.. though 2 hours early... then I was now at a loss cause.. you know well all this is my fault, then as it turns out the visitor cannot wait, cause he has another meeting at the same time as...

my head is back in the game (of work).. I have found a way to do my thing... that some dude just called me babe... and then asked me out... sort of... talk about being near the shore!

Dear heavenly Father... Thank you.... a really HOT man got lost and stumbled into my office for my viewing pleasure.. ahh perfect!

Also there is a payment I have been trying to effectuate for a few months and it has just happened. And all who are with me are positiving their lives and that is very very cool!

Well the day is extremely good!!! All days with this free feeling is great!!! And the day started with like 2 whole minutes with OOC and it was not weird at all, it was cool really cool which is super cool. AND Mtn is not in today... And I will celebrate.. sing unto the Lord... I will sing to him a new song..... tra la la la la... my boss is not in so Abraham is in the house... work is at a minimum... AND I have found a way to advertise for that thing I wanted to advertise about... The sun is almost visible... A gal I like came by the office today... coffee is tasting great.... a suite I was not sure about, fit... Tra la la la la, I have a plastic wallet that I could give to my pops... and last week, there was this thing where my pops wanted money and everyone was soo against it.. and in a vortexy moment I sent a message asking everyone to reconsider and they already had... Then this morning.. I didn't have breakfast an normally it is not an issue cause I rarely have stuff for b...

I am still not able to 'do' Mtn... and well I have been hoping to you know relax on the whole thing and every time he came into my office I was on the phone!!!! I was soooooo happpy!!!!!! also I just realised that he is going to be away the whole day tomorrow. This is bad cause I have to clean up on all this cause if I loose him, I will get someone else. But I will get there.. all this will be well... Also I just had an interaction with him that was sort of easy. I like sort of easy..Sort of easy is good I like sort of easy. Sort of easy. I remember yesterday night, I told myself that today would not be easy and I said ah naah.. but it is sooo effing hard! Who knows tomorrow will be better

.. Just got info from my IB that.. jobo is one thing.. money is another thing... and teaching LOA is another thing.. and that they are not connected.... So question... would I still teach LoA if I didn't need the money? Would I do it if I didn't need the money? This blog I do for me and just one other person but it is mostly for me. I do it mostly so that I am able to read it later and feel good. I was thinking this morning that, maybe my reason for teaching should be so that I polish up on my stuff... Okay I am going through many things today.. I should get back to work...

... my love.. you are soo hard to reach at this second... but all this is well I will reach you.. I will reach you...

It is weird, now after learning what I learnt.. I am developing feelings for Mtn... Love feelings... I will let them... All is well... All is very very very well.. Also, I am thinking about the Buja thing, the way I didn't go... and how that.. So many emotions.. So many feelings... Okay I don't have to take him.. all this is well.. all this will be well... I don't have to take him... I don't HAVE to take him.. I DON'T have to take him.. all this is well.. I can concentrate on all other things.. all this will be well..

I also love that I am loving me and I am loving that I have grown and that I am different. I am more loving and more loveable... Also I figured out what is happening with Mtn... he is my dream man... as in he is a little nerdy.. he has a belief system which is fairly strong... and he has more money than me, has his own car, is older than me, he is single... he is practically everything I have in my list... and I think that the reason that I was where I was, was that he was dreaming about me.... so that was my natural reaction.. which means of course that.... OOC his reaction to me was because I was dreaming about him... and also that in the way he was not expecting I am his dream girl, I am the girl that he wants, but not in the way he wanted... ( you know..) So now I get Mtn. I get why he does this thing of getting me to do little stuff.. and making me feel totally stupid. All this way too upstream for me... all too upstream.. maybe time to go down stream in all this.. ( all in all n...

... someone loves me!!! She said she ' so loves me!' and me well I am happy to be loved. So far things that are great! a) Mtn is not in so I am free to roam b) Everyone in programme is not in so I am free to roam c) I have discovered how to do my classes which is super dupa cool... I might put out a poster this evening d) I also discovered what was going on with Mtn yesterday... e) I have coffee galore... f) I am discovering secrets to getting where I want to go... and it is really cool!!!

Oooh I love that there are some people that I appreciate so much. So very very very much. Like the nice joker, or the rich intellectual, or the sexy boss, or the nice boss lady, or the very sexy OOC... Oooh, I don't want to to into the vortex for this man... You know gay for pay... or for Shane... Deall ATI .... HELP!!!!!!

... Well it is coming to my attention that I am not as loving as I can be. So well, thank you MTN, thank you OOC, Thank you Patrick, thank you Ndegwa!!!

.. well at least my version..... I have today for some reason been looking at sculptures and paintings of a certain Michelangelo... the 15th Century genius and is very amused (right down to the vortex) that ALL of these featured... prominently NAKED MEN!!! no chicks... just guys baring their junk ... he he he he he... thank you All That Is for this fun fun fact...

found a lovely song to make me feel better... or rather as the excuse for me to feel better.... And to add to all this it is funny.. It is actually funny.... also I have just manifested a song called "mast mast" I used to love this song... now I love other things, but it was a fun love...

Also.... Someone received money today, easily.... and quickly... and I discovered forgotten money.... and also received a little extra.....

Urm... that guy I miss so much... he said he misses me... I think that is really cool. I am happy.

I cannot believe it!!!!! FINALLY!!!! Something for ME!!!!! Yesterday I downloaded something from Abraham and I always thought that it was wonderful that my phone could carry music and I could listen to music.. it had everything the ability to carry and at the same time provide me listening!!! I even discovered that it had the extra storage space, I didn't have to buy extra (woo hoo for then!!!!!) Yesterday I tried to copy music to the phone and couldn't then. Today I requested for help from a friend and he informed me that drivers were mission and that was what was causing the problem and I thought, cool, I would go to the dealer to help me out. This afternoon without any resistance I decided to search the net and I found the drivers super easily and downloaded super easily... THEN copied the audio to my phone and I have just finished listening to the first 1 minute!!! I have been wanting this.... tere tere tere, terere terere tere......!!!

... I am spending all this time listening to Abraham and I am actually working!!! That is rare!! also today, ( I had not thought about it but...) I am wearing a small top and I had wished for today to be cold, so that I would not have to remove my jacket, and well now, it is almost time to go home and it has been cold the whole day.... Thank you Father! Also at the moment there are some issues with the connection of my phone with my comp, but it seems things are getting better.

.. I am feeling better.. well a little better. Things are good. I am having things I can be grateful... i had thought someone wanted money from me.. turns out they wanted it from someone else!!!! That is a good thing!!!! All this is very well.. This morning I was experiencing the most amazing contrast. The most amazing contrast... and during my lunch break I meditated a little and was able to figure out where all this was coming from which is really cool...

so it has come.... I have been thinking about it and it is here. Really here. My first 74 minutes. I want thousands of minutes, hundreds of hours, hundreds and hundreds of hours.... Also I had been having trouble thinking good thoughts of 2 certain people but now things I am realising that maybe it is up to me to change what I am feeling... for me... I also desire strongly to have chewing gum...

... I actually managed to pivot on the subject of other people.

I have just realised that I am experiencing something I have wanted for a long time... listening to Abraham all day long!! It is something I have wanted for such a long time... and it is here

I am grateful that things with Mtn are easy today! I love it When I am feeling this good... Also it is about to start raining... Also I had a dream about this man that I loved (thought was great) and that he was my boyfriend (wait.. it is possible I have said this before. ... Also did I mention.. my bosses are AWAY!!! Yay! Also most people from my office are taking off!!! Also marveling at reading a post about someone gave up everything, without money and with a mortgage, and he is this amazing happy wonderful guy that I love!!! Also something I have just read - MY DREAMS DESIRE ME!! Loves that !!! Also they are all gone so now I can enjoy my cola :-) I am happy to know that I can reach for a thought that feels better.

OOC refused to help me.... now it is time to look at what I want.... I love that I had really wanted to go to the shop to buy instant noodles when I heard that someone was going that way, and I bought me juices.... and noodles and tuna.... :-)... then before that I forgot to carry breakfast.. I thought about buying it then I changed my mind then... about 2 hours later someone in secret bought cake!!! Can you believe it... then before that, I slept many hours, many more hours than I had before.... then before that.. I didn't drink alcohol... AND I have plenty of sweet juices... (which for me is important) then before that I missed 3 different calls from a girl who wanted to moan... ( I love that one) then before that, I forgot to mention that I have been fretting the return of my boss, who is away on holiday and you know WHAT.?!!! (what?!!) he extended his holiday by a couple of days...!!!! I also love that work I didn't want to do has been done for me!! I also love that...

the great massages I got from my pal jana, and how she reminded me that really, I was just in anger... and that it was possible to move up the the emotional guiding scale.... I also love that Also I forgot to mention.. last sato, I forgot my jacket in a club... then I remember feelings of panic began to envahir.. (french word...) me and I tried very minimally to soothe myself, on and off...and you will not believe it but... I not only found the jacket.. but also it had not been touched, I had money in it and it was still there... AND I had left it for like 30 minutes!!! Shock me! Got to love the LoA.... Also my boss is not coming in today or this week for that matter Woo hooo!!! I love that this week is starting to look like a woo hoo! week for me.. I love that a guy I appreciate greatly wrote something I appreciate greatly on my facebook wall today... I love that I am finally appreciating my favorite music today!!! I love that I am feeling good enough to appreciate all of this...

.. the internet is working well so that I can enjoy my music selection... I love that OOC is in today and I saw him... I love that my boss has not yet come... I love that I am feeling a little more serious about me... I love that I had many doubts about me and how I feel about me.. I love that I have a job... I love that I have a place to go every morning... I love that I want to make changes in my life... I love that someone did something I cannot remember right now... I love that I have things I love and that I have access to them...I love that I know probably that I should appreciate my contrast... I love that it is getting clearer to me what I am supposed to be doing... I also love that all will be well.... I love that I want to make an effort...

I noticed my favorite workmate was back and it was already GREAT!!!! I had a dream that he would be the one to take us home but thought it was a little impossible.... then today at break I saw him and life was good for a little while and that was great!!! Then I had to ask his boss something then I went to his office and I spent a little time talking just to him, and we actually flirted a little and he even got a little naughty, which is interesting cause he NEVER EVER goes there and had even proclaimed that you know well 'homey don't play dat.....' :-) isn't life really really perfect

That guy that I like from the office. The one I keep telling God, If ever I am to get married please send me someone just like him.... well he was in my office a little while back.... LOVELY

I didn't want to prepare tea this morning and the reigning boss said to ask someone else to do it... woo hooo... also when I finally went to ask them, they said they didn't want to be served except one person who wants something really easy.... wooo hooo... then remember Mtn... well and how I have not been wanting to not interact with him, well, when I went to get my coffee.... he wasn't there!!! tere tere tere terere tere tere... ( sing to Mexican hat dance)

I love that today it is soo cold I can drink all the glasses of hot water that I want. I love that today I am feeling good enough to do this. I love that BAP left me in this place and so now I know my joy must come from me! I am responsible for my joy and no other. I love that the meeting of the dons lasted such a long time.... I love that all is very very well. I love that I have some time to enjoy things I enjoy!

Reading, dreaming, listening to all these people who are doing what they love. It is really amazing..

I love that I don't have to do something I didn't want to do... I love that I am having a conversation with a guy I like very much, and I love that I had a dream of John James and we were together and it was very cool. And I love that bosses are away at a meeting so I can listen to Abraham. I love that I am listening to things that interest me. I am happy that I have lunch and lunch money. I love that all is well. I love that I am enjoying work. I love that I am feeling good about work. I love that soon I will be cleaning up on by resident vibration on Mtn :-) I love that all this will be very very very well.

I love that I am listening to okay music that I like. I love that I have saw a beautiful horn bill this morning. I love that Mtn is going away for the day!! ( I hope) so I don’t have to deal with him. I love that I have new things to clean up and when I do life will be so good. I love that I can think about things I want. I can think about things that I want ooh ooh maybe I will be able to by my first Abe download!! Woo hoo!!!!!

Mtn, remember him? Well I have discovered that I am no the only one who feels the way I do... All is well.